20 yrs ago

I was only 8 yrs old when my father passed away....I remember the day like it was yesterday....me and my sister were outside playing with the neighbors andmy older sisiter ran out yelling Dads dead!!!! I thought shes exagerating......see shes mentally challenged and wasnt suppose to be born this way....my moms water broke and when she went to the hospital the Dr took to long to get there my mom was suppose to have a C-section so my sister lost oxygen but my parents didnt know what happend until she got older and started noticing certain things werent right......well anyway she has a habit of exagerating the situation so she kept yelling it at us so we ran inside the house and we asked what happened I went to my parents room and there was my dad lying on the bed.......gone .He just finished eating lunch and everytime he eats hed say "I rather dye with a full stomach than an empty stomach " haha he had a sense of humor well my dad was sick he had Juvenile Diabetes but he wasnt good about what he ate he was also on dyalisis......when he didnt do it he felt like he wasnt able to breath.....I recall him eating a chocolate bar before going to get it done wed go with him and watch there was sooo many people there but I never really knew why it was being done I was young.He got sicker so when hed eat at times he would just throw up...which he did that day....as far as I can remember he still had vomit on him so he might have ruptured an artery from the force he made.....I begged my mom to do CPR on him but she didnt really know how but she did what she could while the ambulance came..........they got there and took him away...he was in the hospital a few days if I can remember or maybe it was the same day but I recall members from the church coming over to say a prayer for him and our family I prayed sooo hard for him to be ok...I was told later he didnt make it....maybe also had a heart attack its not clear to me yet.Days passed we had a memorial for him were ppl came and would see him before the funeral at the church I was outside playing with my cousins who I havent seen in a while and my mom came outside telling us to go inside that this is the last time well see him.....she was strong for us.The day of the funeral it hit me......he was gone.......I held back tears (the way I am now) and just watched as ppl would come pay their respects to my mom.....I was told I needed to take care of her now.....me an 8yr old little grl? wow.......I stopped going to see my dads grave after a while it was to hard.......he and I had a very close relationship....my mom told me secertly I was his favorite Id sit on his lap and just watch tv or eat Id have it no other way so many small memories but they are all mine =) I miss him alot because if he was here I KNOW my life would be completly different and he would love his grandkids...I look at Akira more and more she does look like him my aunt told me this a fw weeks ago and it hit me like wow your right!!! I cherish my kids alot and now I go visit my dad more often its been a few months but I started going again at first I admit I broke dwn alot!!! but now Im to were I can talk about it....I miss him alot but I know hes here with me in spirit he protects me......and that brings me soooooo much peace .His health was never a big issue to him.....I think his death made me more careful about myself and others we were cked for diabetes since his death so far Im the only one who doesnt have it but I do have high cholesterol........sooner or later I will also have diabetes but I do what I can to take care of myself and my kids Akiras cked every year and soon Gena will need to also more as a preventaive.........we eat prety good when we can......my sisters and mom all have the health issues and it does scare me I remember as a little grl telling my mom to eat better .....to take her meds its scary and sad to know my dad didnt take care of himself if he did hed be here I was also mad at him for it......I felt like he didnt care but now I realize....he knew he was dying he was told he had 3yrs to live......he lived alot longer beyond what he was told.......I wouldve been alot younger....so he lived his life to the fullest he could he was blind but made a point to watch tv with us....his picture is always with me....at wk and in my wallet.....hes sooo missed today I will be taking flowers to his grave........he died 06/11/1989 his birthday was 08/11/1950 or 55 cant remember!! haha but he was in his 30's like probable 34 ...........I pray my mom and sisters take better care of them selves I dont know what Id do if they were gone......thanks for reading.